Christmas is almost here!!

So Christmas is next week!  Wow!  I'm not ready.  I'm not even ready for the puppy that is about to join us on Sunday!  I still have too many things to buy.  We decided to throw a Christmas Day dinner.  Why?  My house is a disaster.  I've run out of disposable diapers and have yet to find the rest of my cloth diaper supply's!  This is not leading up to a good weekend.  I've had some motivation but it usually doesn't appear until just before my sweet husband gets home!  I'd really like to have my entire house clean and stay clean for at least a day!  Since becoming a SAHM I've become very particular about things.  That annoys me.  What happened to the girl that just went with the flow?  It used to be it would get done eventually cause we were so busy.  Now if I don't get the dishes done I'm a wreck. And I'm not even pregnant yet!!! Is the good Lord above trying to tell me something?  I'm frustrated that I can't come up with anything exciting for my kids to do.  I think I have something and then they break my heart because they don't want to do it!  These were things that they used to do while in daycare.  Makes me feel like a horrible mom and wife cause I can't seem to get up when I want to in the morning, make breakfast for everyone, get the house cleaned in record time like I used to, and do everything educational and fun that I want to do with my kids.  Now we are adding a puppy to the mix and it makes my anxiety rise.  Maybe I need to cry.  How am I going to deal with my husband being gone 4 nights of the week, me being gone 2, my mother and grandmother taking care of the kids (I'm so thankful for), a puppy that needs a lot of attention and possibly getting pregnant? I'm overwhelmed and my husband is out skiing today.  Hate it when he only gives me 2 days warning.  WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU WANT YOUR OFFICE WORKERS TO GO SKIING 1 WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS?  Money is tight!  Not super tight and we definitely have money to spare but definitely not to my comfort level.  I miss how much we made when we were both in the military.  Now it is just half.  We prepped as much as we could but emergencies come up.  I hate having to use emergency money for emergencies and then build it back up.  Makes my anxiety rise.  I've worked to hard for everything I have.  Worked to hard on getting this house and all the nice things we can have while having young children.  I'm still waiting on a long overdue payment from the Veterans Affair office.  I'm going to school and the GI Bill is supposed to give me a living allowance.  That is stressful.  Can't wait until my husband starts getting paid for 1st class.  That comes at the beginning of the year.  Hallelujah!  Maybe this all boils down to the fact that I've stopped exercising!  I enjoy swimming.  Yet either myself or the kids have been sick so I can't take them to the gym daycare.  Ugh and then H1N1.  Didn't want to possibly get them exposed at the gym.  Now I find myself needing to go.  Needing to go much more than ever yet I find every excuse in the world.  I just want to cry!  I hate the cold yet I'm going to have to brave it here next week to walk the dog.  Maybe this dog is the blessing we need.  Here I am complaining about everything that needs to get done but maybe she is what will keep me motivated to get everything done and keep it done.  I don't want anything bad to happen to her.  Plus to keep her healthy she needs to be walked.  Well maybe that'll be our way of getting exercise as well.  I know I just ranted and raved about everything and it is hard.  But this is my trial I have to get through and I'll be a better person for it.  I have faith that'll it'll get better soon I just have to remember that I am far from perferct and that I'm sure there are others out there with cleaner  houses than I and have a child who wants to be potty trained.